June 20th is my birthday. As a kid, it was the best day to celebrate. It was often the last day of school and it was usually the first evening of summer. I loved that my parents arranged for a bouncy castle in our backyard with lots of candy and popsicles for all the neighborhood kids to enjoy. Smiles were abundant as we celebrated multiple occasions with sugar dripping from our lips. And, the sun shined and the stars twinkled; it never rained on June 20th.

I was even more thrilled when June 20th landed on Father’s Day. My Dad was the best dad a kid could ask for and sharing the day with him was magical, even though he really surrendered his special day to me. He was everything to me, and in my eyes, my Dad did everything right.

As I went through my college years and the years that soon followed, the excitement of a June 20th birthday lessened. Although it never failed to be a beautiful day, friends were scattered and I wasn’t home to celebrate with my Dad when our special days overlapped. Time passed and at 30, I was pregnant with twins due to arrive late July. As my birthday approached that year, my doctor said, “June 20th will mark nearly 35 weeks — if you can make it to then, these kids will be born healthy and close enough to full term.” When June 20th came, and I turned 31, my heart was so full. I was beyond grateful and felt like I conquered the world. I had healthy twins on June 30th, 2003.

For the next seven years, I loved sharing my birthday time with my children and my Dad. It was always two weeks filled with arts and crafts, swimming, dance recitals, soccer games, little league fun, and a couple all-star games. The kids would get ready for day camp and my Dad would always join for much of it. We would celebrate all the happy last days of June together. Of course, the candy and popsicles were always present, it was the start to summer!

My Dad passed away when the twins were eight and my younger son was four. June 20th is now a hard day when it falls on Father’s Day. We celebrate my husband and I try to enjoy the day, but I miss my Dad and all that he brought to our lives. I try to focus on all the good surrounding June 20th — the ending of long school years, the travel baseball final tournaments, and the sectional soccer championships. I have loved zipping the camp trunks knowing the kids are off to their happy place for a bit. We include candy and the popsicles; my Dad loved to eat and would expect that we continue to count our celebrations and not our calories.

Tomorrow is June 20th, 2021, and it will be the most emotional June 20th thus far. I’m turning 49. My son is graduating middle school on June 21st, and my twins are graduating high school on June 23rd. The joy is palpable. It is also Father’s Day and it is my first birthday with breast cancer. Ironically, I was diagnosed four days earlier on June 16. The month that has brought me so much emotion has done so again.

I will think of my Dad and my childhood, and all the good both brought me. I will think of my twins who are graduating in three days and who are turning 18 in ten days. I will think of my younger son who doesn’t remember my Dad, but who looks exactly like him. It may not be a great day, but I will be strong, and I will smile for them, for my husband, and for my Dad. And, I will be strong and dressed with smiles on June 20th, 2022, when I turn 50 the day after Father’s Day. I will enjoy the sunshine, the sugar and the love that my Dad would want me to embrace.